Life is more than a cartoon, or even a musical genius

Believing it puts people off to catalog the achievements of prodigies like Robert Gupta, the twenty year old violinist who recently joined the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra, I thought it relevant to emphasize that like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, (post 1/30/08), Gupta is a philosophical person. Yes, Gupta took a biology degree from Marist College in New York with an interest in neurobiology at age seventeen, and a Master's Degree in music from Yale University at age nineteen, but like Jabbar, who couldn't help being a great athlete in addition to standing seven feet two inches tall, Gupta couldn't help being born with musical genius. Note, geniuses must work hard to fulfill their potential; perhaps it's a philosophical aspect that separates a successful genius from a failed one.
What other quality do the two share besides their natural abilities provided at birth? Each is a reader, each is a philosophical person. Jabbar took a degree in history from UCLA and never stopped reading. He has also written two well-received books with historical themes. Gupta, who turned off cartoons as a youth preferring to watch New York Philharmonic concerts instead, said of himself to Los Angeles Times columnist Steve Lopez,

Music is "exhilaration, joy, complete release." Interestingly, Gupta also believes that immersing himself in science, history, and philosophy makes him a better violinist. "To be an artist, you have to know something outside your instrument," he said. "You have to be a human." (emphasis mine)

In an age of specialization, these philosophical words seem well worth considering, not solely for the individual, but for the culture all individuals together create.


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Earth to all student athletes: "The NBA's all-time leading scorer loved his college English class"

At a time when collegiate sports departments look increasingly like business operations, a time in which only a couple percent of college football and basketball players move on to "the next level," student athletes should think carefully before taking the easy courses, those passing them through instead of educating them during their precious time on campus.

Although I believe Bill Russell is the greatest collegiate and professional player of all-time for reasons I shall not enumerate here, I must put Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in a nearby orbit. My point here, however, is to credit Jabbar for his writing career, the career he was able to pursue after a successful professional career because he was a legitimate student-athlete while at UCLA. Addul-Jabbar has to date written two well-received books. From Sports Editor Bill Dwyre's column in the Los Angeles Times quoting Abdul-Jabbar on his student days in UCLA:

"I loved school, loved UCLA," Abdul-Jabbar says. "I remember, in an English class taught by a Mr. Lindstrom, we were asked to do essays and he said he would read the best three to the entire class. He read the first two, then said he was going to read the best one, and it was mine. It was right then that I thought maybe I could do this, that maybe I had what it takes."

Dwyre: "He (Abdul-Jabbar) also played at UCLA for John Wooden, always more English teacher than coach."

Adbul-Jabbar: "We'd sit on the bus and talk about when to use a colon and when a semicolon," Abdul-Jabbar says. "We'd argue the difference between "like" and "as if."*

Particularly gratifying is the fact that Coach John Wooden was also English teacher John Wooden, and that Wooden combined the two aspects of himself successfully with his student-athletes. Coach Wooden was also presumably a prescriptivist concerning grammar and usage, someone who believes in a grammar code and its proper enforcement, no doubt accomplished by Wooden in a thoughtful, even humorous manner.

Regarding the old argument between Adbul-Jabbar and Wooden about using "as if" for "like," the Oxford English Dictionary disapproves, presumably siding with Wooden: "It is considered unacceptable in formal English to use like as a conjunction meaning ‘as if’ (as in he's behaving like he owns the place). Use as if or as though instead.

There is a conflict, however, and this is what I love about grammar. Looking further in the OED definitions below, you will see that like may be used as a conjunction meaning "similar to," "very closely resembling." Thus, "He's behaving in a manner like (closely resembling) an actual owner" now seems to work. This one appears to be a draw. You decide.

At any rate, kudos to Kareem for caring and for choosing a writing career!

The Oxford English Dictionary definitions of "as if" and "like":

* as if (or though): as would be the case if; conj: despite the fact that, although; adverb: however.

* like may be used in many ways, and depending upon its syntax (where it is located in the sentence and which words it most closely relates to) may serve as a different part of speech:

adj: having similar characteristics; conj: similar to, very closely resembling; as if;
prep: similar to, resembling; in a similar way; adv: nearly, approximately; probably (Slang); as if, such (Slang); v: enjoy; be fond of; want; prefer; n: person or thing which is similar or comparable; kind, type; things which are preferred or liked.
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Chefs cook, gourmets chew, and one chewed up metaphor

On one of the many culinary competitions produced on the Food Network guest epicure Julia Rutland, a pleasant enough judge who writes for Coastal Living Magazine in Birmingham, Alabama, may wish to regurgitate a metaphor.

The show Ms. Rutland appeared on was entitled "The Great American Seafood Cook-Off II." The specific dish Rutland was sampling apparently contained too many ingredients, themselves competing with one another while producing an unsavory result. Rutland's comment, "A lot of difficult elements (here)...they bit off more than they could chew." We are assuming that the antecedent for the pronoun "they" is not the "elements" in the dish; otherwise, you would have the ingredients of the dish cannibalizing themselves. Instead, the "they" Rutland was referring to are the chefs who had prepared the dish, though usually the competitions are head-to-head, one chef competing against another.

Though metaphors are figures of speech, they still must make some sense as used in context. In a cooking competition beamed out to a national audience, we would not expect to see or imagine a chef eating his or her own dish. Sample yes, eating no, and certainly not "biting off more than he or she could chew."

This, perhaps, is something to chew over.

"They went deep to beat the Ducks" but is the feat something we should always expect?

Ben Bolch, the Los Angeles Times' beat reporter covering the University of Southern California Trojans basketball team emphasized that in its recent weekend victories over both the Oregon State University Beavers and the University of Oregon Ducks, USC's Trojans "sealed (their) third consecutive road sweep of the Oregon Schools..." a notable feat, one worth mentioning. It was at this point, however, that Bolch ventured into foul territory when he continued,

"...a feat that hasn't been achieved since 1966-68." It hasn't? We have just read facts leading to the conclusion that it indeed had. Bolch used the Present Perfect tense in the passive voice when he should have employed the Past Perfect tense in the passive voice. Note: Bolch's use of the passive voice in either tense was an option. Voice in inflected verb forms shows whether the subject is the doer of the action or is the recipient of the action (acted upon). Using passive voice changes only the "feeling" of a sentence not its meaning.

The Past Perfect, also called Pluperfect is an aspect of a verb tense that permits describing two actions in the past, one occurring before the other, but both occurring in the past. In this case, USC had not swept the Oregon schools prior to last weekend's matches. First action in this case is a non action: USC had not swept in many years; second action: USC achieved the sweep victories. (second action put in the simple past tense). Both actions occured in the past, one before the other. In this case, the "one before the other" is in the negative, which makes it a bit confusing.

The present perfect tense describes an action or state begun in the past and leading up to the present. The idea here is of an on-going action or state. USC has played the Oregon Schools for more than a half a century, and it will presumably continue to compete with the Oregon schools in various athletic competitions. Begun in the past and on-going.

Technically, you might say by way of suggestion that a sweep of the Oregon Schools is an on-going state until it occurs, that is, we are always expecting a sweep of the Oregon schools. To communicate this thought would surely offend both Beaver and Duck fans, something you wouldn't wish to do. Winning and sweeping should suffice.

How Americans Spend Their "Prime Time" May Lead to Harder Times

The meaning of "Prime Time" according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

1: the time period when the television or radio audience is the largest; also : television shows shown in prime time, 1958.

2: the choicest or busiest time (emphasis editor)

The rankings for national prime-time viewing for American network television the week of December 31, 2007 through January 6, 2008 (Nielson) were as follows:


Number 1: National Football League Playoff Game, "Jacksonville vs. Pittsburgh"

25.74 million viewers






Number 26: Democratic Debate

9.36 million viewers

Breathtaking! The United States currently spends $9 billion a month to fund its military exercise in Iraq; 36 million Americans live in poverty; nearly 800,000 black men occupy American prisons--almost five times the number of twenty years ago, and the dollar weakens each month while being questioned as a reserve currency. Nearly 3:1 Americans chose to watch a game rather than a political debate dealing with the above named issues, impactful issues affecting their lives. Those in the world without voting rights must look on in wonder.

Once again, a contributing explanation for American political apathy:

A recent report released by the National Endowment for the Arts finds that "an increasing number of adult Americans were not even reading one book a year." Further bad news: 72% of high school graduates were "deemed by their employers as 'deficient' in writing."

The report emphasizes that "literary readers" are more likely to exercise, visit art museums, keep up with current events, vote in presidential elections and perform volunteer work, demonstrating that reading "creates people who are more active....(and that) People who don't read, who spend most of their time watching television, playing video games, or visiting unproductive (editor's word) internet sites seem to be significantly more passive. Finally, the report projects that at a time not so far off, "The majority of young Americans will not realize their individual, economic or social potential."

Bread and Circuses? Certainly, we've identified the circus. We'd have to visit the consumer economy to help explain the bread part.

Reggie Miller Suffers from Short Term Memory Loss

While he knew his way around the basketball court, Reggie Miller, the great former UCLA Bruin and Indiana Pacer basketball star recently got lost in the world of verb tenses, at least sequencing them properly when more than one action takes place in the past, even if it is the recent past.

Sitting court side with all players in full view Miller was able to appraise the abilities of UCLA's Kevin Love and Darren Collison in a recent game against Washington State University's hoopsters. Oops, or was he present? He seemed confused when later questioned by journalists about his appraisal of Kevin Love:

"I haven't seen him up close...he's got the size and athletic ability to be a very good NBA player" (Los Angeles Times, 1/13/2007). Wait a minute, Reggie, how could you know "he's got the size and athletic ability to be a very good NBA player" if you "haven't seen him"?

Miller used the present perfect tense have seen, (although put in the negative: haven't seen). Two past actions had occurred when Miller made his statement: first: Miller arrived to the court, second: he observed and evaluated a few of UCLA's team members.

The rule for the proper sequencing of these two past actions goes: When two actions occur in the past, the action occurring first is put in the pluperfect tense (also called past perfect indicative), and the action occurring after is put into the definite past (normal past tense).

Miller should have said, I hadn't seen him up close until I arrived for this game, or something similar. First he arrived for the game, then he observed and evaluated the players. Elliptically, he need only have said, I hadn't seen him, the rest being understood in context. That is, he arrived to the court, then he saw the players. Miller is actually saying that he had not seen the players before he arrived to witness the spectacle he was questioned about after the game.

Confused? So was Reggie Miller, but that's the way the ball sometimes bounces.

Drooling Like Pavlovian Dog, Unsavory Simile

Recently, a television food critic was raving over the menu of a local Los Angeles restaurant. His review was going well until he described a typical patron as:

"...drooling like a Pavlovian dog."

While it's true that our salivary glands might liven up at the thought of a sumptuous meal, or even a treat, to compare homo sapiens, "wise man" or "knowing man" to canines is unsavory when describing food. Furthermore, to say that we "drool" is to bring up thoughts of human infants, not serious restaurant goers. To use phrases like "Pavlovian dog," well, we're both in the animal kingdom, we're both mammals, but that it where it ends.

Once more, Sapiens means "wise, intelligent." We say of some dogs that they are intelligent, but never wise. Pavlov's dog was being conditioned to salivate based upon cues in a laboratory lacking the ambiance and subtle aromas coming out of a good kitchen. While we may be conditioned to react to certain cues, we are wise enough not to submit to them in a laboratory, unless of course, we were a starving student and needed the money.

The point: Keep your similes in the same species unless you mean to denigrate some individual.




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Hyperbolic Metaphor Drives Tourists Away From London

Before assessing the damage done, we'll begin by defining the metaphor: n. "To transfer, to carry. A figure of speech in which a name or descriptive term is transferred to some object different from but analogous to that which is properly applicable. Oxford English Dictionary.

Translation: A metaphor is a comparison, not actual, of one thing to another. Simply, you are saying that the first thing is the second thing. A successful metaphor carries new meaning to the first thing. Again, the thing compared puts the original in a new light, which may be dramatic, ironic, humorous...quite often in a rhetorical way. If you accomplish the task successfully, the person experiencing your metaphor gains a "fresh" view of the first thing--a great outcome in any attempt to communicate a thought.

There are other figures of speech related to metaphors used to identify the comparisons we make in order to "carry" meaning more powerfully, humorously, etc. We've already pointed out "mediocre" metaphors as well as "silly" similes--our own, nonacademic approach. Click here for a more academic look at other figures of speech related to metaphor such as synecdoche, metonymy, and still other figures of speech.

Back to our approach. A mediocre metaphor is one which has descended into the realm of cliché: a word or phrase that has become overly familiar or commonplace; a hackneyed or trite word or phrase. H. W. Fowler referred to these as "dead" metaphors, or "unsustained" metaphors.

Just as unacceptable is the "hyperbolic" metaphor, often a form of cliché. Hyperbole: "Excessive, extravagant exaggeration." Merriam Webster Dictionary. Fowler called these "self-conscious" or "overdone" metaphors. A recent travel article in the Los Angeles Times by Jane Engle offers a good example of a hyperbolic"or overdone metaphor.

In the metaphor, Engle, attempting humor, nevertheless poses you and me, the reader, as tourists who will identify with young Oliver Twist, the abused young boy of the streets in Charles Dickens' famous novel Oliver Twist, "(We) may feel as destitute as the young Oliver Twist." Furthermore, "(We) won't need Fagin's band of pickpockets to empty (our) wallets" because London's hoteliers, restaurateurs, and their like are well disposed to pull off the heist themselves. "Fagin" was the the villainous old man who trained kids to be pickpockets and pilferers in tough, 19th century London, a town which experienced outbreaks of Cholera because of drinking water tainted with sewage from the Thames River.

(Note: Sir Joseph Bazalgette, acting as the Chief Engineer of the Metropolitan Board of Works, eventually solved the problem.)

Metaphors should be more carefully used. Ms. Engle, herself, offers the real culprit for London's high prices in her piece when she is thinking more of market economics than of literature. It is an exchange rate explanation, hardly Dickensian:

"For their predicament, tourists can mostly blame the woeful U.S. dollar, which, after sliding 14% in two years, was recently worth half a British pound. Note: when the market closed today, 8 Jan 2008, the dollar was valued at .0568 to the pound. This is an uncomfortable exchange rate for anyone using dollars, but hardly a condition that resembles being robbed by merciless London merchants.

We therefore issue Ms. Engle a grammar ticket for "excessive exaggeration" in the form of a metaphor.

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